April 26, 2019 by Kitty Michelle

Awareness {4}

That One was not her country.
That One was not her family.
That One was not her bloodline.

She knew all that, yet she also felt like it was the closest thing to home she could have had. She felt it was her fate, a stage in the path of her existence

𝘏𝘰𝘮𝘦.
𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘵?
𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘐 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘦?
𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘐 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘳𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘵?

That was a question she started asked herself many years before and to which she still did not had an answer.

She got transplanted in a place living traditions of centuries before, learning forgotten arts, being educated in a way not belong to the time she lived.
She was left handed, she got forced to use her right hand. She was a girl, she got raised like a boy.
She was dreams, she got forced to be pure ratio.
Still she felt the need to give her best and learn the most she could.

𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘢𝘭, 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧.

She felt she was destined to something different. Under that strict discipline she developed the ability to secretly communicate to her spirit and ended up convinced she could feel answers and voices from the energy of the planet, in a world where technology was the new religion and the law of macroeconomics the new sacred text.

𝘞𝘰𝘭𝘧, 𝘐 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴.
𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯, 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘵 𝘣𝘦 ?

𝑮𝒊𝒓𝒍, 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒂 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆, 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒎𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒗𝒐𝒊𝒄𝒆

April 18, 2019 by Kitty Michelle

Getting Ready {3}

Wolf, have you been following me ?

Kitty, yes, as always. Did a single day pass in which my howl was not in you, my eyes not over you, my blood not there to ignite you?

Wolf, no, still you left isn’t it?

Kitty, no it was not “leaving”.
You needed something more than your Wolf, and you went for it. You need that in Your life. I am proud to see you struggled and still struggle when you need. I am proud to see you held and kneeled when, after speaking your noisy arguments, you know that kneeling must exist, and it is not up to you anymore. I am proud to see you did not cage that soul of Yours that you decided to live in its entirety, making me not necessary to you for that and giving that part of you to something higher that a protecting grumpy wolf.
I am proud to see You have what You need, and you will never regret having your Wolf. I am proud of having left that place.
I see You better today, much better.

Wolf, it’s raining.
Rain is kisses.
Springtime is around the corner.
I was close to deciding to live without singing, I was close to embrace the temptation of fading. I was close to put on a cloak. I admit I have been close to silence my colours.

Kitty, a dark cloak would not look good on you. Look at yourself, look at how funny you are. High heels, red thighs, a way too short leather jacket, gloves, a red scarf, and by the way, your ears are glowing. You are no dark cloak.
Luckily every now and then you dress better.

Wolf, all this years and you can still be funny, you know?
We’ll stay connected forever, I feel that.

Kitty, it’s raining and you are smiling, and the Goddess is burning within you. Drag Your funny ass where you need to go and then come back for a chat whenever you want.
Equinox is coming, and it will coincide with a full moon.

Wolf, yes, I don’t know where I will be, I had many dreams and my senses are changing, evolving, as it was predicted.
Equinox and full moon are coming, and they will coincide.
What better?
I do not know why I am saying that, but I know there are things coming.
On top of that it is raining, and rain is kisses.
Did I say that?

April 12, 2019April 17, 2019 by Kitty Michelle

Rainy Thoughts {2}

She sat there looking straight in front of her, dressed in all the finesse she was capable of, as she always did, just even more, girlish as she was. It seemed as if she readied for a ritual, something deeply felt and requiring all her attention and care, and soul, and love and more. The rain was pouring and hitting on her, and she was apparently calm, immersed in a surreal calm.

‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍𝘎𝘪𝘳𝘭, 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨.

‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍Oooooh Wolf, my inner Wolf.Ooh Wolf, my precious inner who always defended me in my youth years, good morning to you. ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍Wolf, You have not been addressing me as Kitty anymore. You call me “girl” now. You thought I didn’t notice, but I do.

‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍𝘎𝘪𝘳𝘭, 𝘯𝘰. 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘦, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘸 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘦. 𝘐 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦. 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘦, 𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯’𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭?

‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍Wolf, please don’t hit on me. This is not the point. Should I call you human names? I could, yes I could. I won’t do it though. You will always be Wolf for me. Some things are forever. Remember that, remember how it is for the little me. You grew me, you should know how I am.

‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍𝘎𝘪𝘳𝘭, 𝘥𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘦-𝘰𝘯𝘦, 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘦? 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘭 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮 𝘵𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘥. 𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘢𝘸 … 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰?

‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍Wolf, you change subject, you know I don’t like it, I am kitty, not girl but i don’t like the sound of “girl” on your lips, it creates distance and you know I suffer distance from those I held precious. Anyway, shifting to your question, I have been waiting, this is what I have been doing. For a whole night I have been waiting, here, on the floor, not a minute of rest, whether there was someone around or not. My soul did not let me do anything else than this, so I got ready and did it, in order to be able to then live, in order to to what was to be done by me.I haven’t slept a single minute. I was stronger than I ever thought I was. Rain has not been the only thing flowing, pouring. I tried to do it pretty and perfect, and I held, oh, if I held. I knelt, listened, watched, sat, breathed, watched, listened, waited outside, got the rain, and I held, and I listened and I made myself visible.That, at least that, you have to recognise. My soul did not let me not rest, she let me do nothing else but sit outside the door and wait, or fight, if you prefer. In prettiness. Trust me, I was stronger than I ever thought I could be. To stand up, or to claim wrongs I did not do would have been easier. To rise a sword would have been easier. I sat and accepted. I am still sitting. I will be me as you taught me I should be.

‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍𝘎𝘪𝘳𝘭, 𝘐 𝘵𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘥𝘦. 𝘐𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘪𝘦𝘳𝘤𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘥? 𝘐𝘴 𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘢𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘳?

‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍Wolf. To not rise but rather lower the sword, with honour, that is fighting too. Once again, you won’t tempt me and trick me. You taught me that. That is what you taught me. I sat all night. I did not sold out a single breath of myself. There has been a lot of blood. There has been a lot of negative, a lot. There has been so much more going on in the kneeling night than 8 days of rage could hold.Look at me. I am still here. I sat with no sword.Pieces of me are broken, windows are broken but I am sitting, for how long more, I do not know, but here I am and will be.
I could have fought, but I brought no sword. I have my colours, I have my shamisen.I brought my shamisen I had songs ready. I sat with songs ready, and flowers, and rain to sweep it all.

‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ 𝘎𝘪𝘳𝘭 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦.

‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍Wolf, there are things that are first times. On top of it, some of them can be given one time only. The first kiss of Kitty, is her “first kiss”. There is no second first kiss it is a one timer. The moment a caterpillar turns into a butterfly comes one time only. Pride is not claiming back what has been given. Pride and beauty is not using the sword in the effort of giving value to something that has been gifted in joy, that would steal and stain it. Blood would only stain that magic. You taught me that. My pride is being happy of not having two lives, but one only. One only gift. Being human and not playing false Gods.

‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍𝘎𝘪𝘳𝘭 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘥

‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍Wolf, you are a good wolf, it is not tiredness what I feel.Wolf, I have one thing to ask. I read only half of us is made of flesh, the other half is made of dreams. What happens if the dreams get shattered, the ones that give us life?

‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍𝘎𝘪𝘳𝘭 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵. 𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥, 𝘨𝘰 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺.

‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍Wolf, will we exist only as halves? Do we change? Will we wander incomplete and half as what we can be and born to be?

‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍𝘎𝘪𝘳𝘭, 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘦.

‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍Wolf, you are a good wolf. I don’t wanna die.Maybe it was a life lesson, it is not for me to know.I can stay here though. It’s still raining, rain is life. It’s still raining, till it rains I can stay here.

𝘎𝘪𝘳𝘭, 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘣𝘦. 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘥 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘸𝘰𝘭𝘧 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘦n 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘳𝘯. 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘳𝘯 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨, 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘸𝘦𝘪𝘳𝘥.

‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍Wolf, I like the rain.
Rain is kisses, Let me stay out here.

April 11, 2019April 17, 2019 by Kitty Michelle

Survival: The Change {1}

‘Wolf, I don’t wanna die”

“Girl, death may only come when you think about her. Are You going to allow her into your world?

“Wolf, no. I don’t intend to.”

“Girl, I have been protecting you, feeding you, giving you shelter and more. My time is gone. You grew, you blossomed and now I don’t do that anymore, your life does not depend on me anymore, nor belongs to me.
You live, you have something greater and we are happy”

“Wolf, it is because I am happier than ever that I don’t want to lose, anything about my path.
I learnt that only when you have something you can be afraid to lose”

“Girl, true, but it is also true that when you got something precious that you truly treasure, then you are stronger. More than that, when you believe, you are indestructible.
That You must be.
That is how you must feel, how I know you feel. Right?”

“Wolf, I don’t fear for me. I saw, touched and embraced the Fire, I got more I ever thought i would have in this life.
It is not for me I fear, not anymore.”

“Girl, You choose and you feel blessed.
Go all the way.
Just go all the way.
There is no other way for those like you.
The flames might burn you but knowing it is your fate and what you wish, does shield. You will feel no pain, whatever happens.”

“Wolf, maybe sometimes I am like a small girl: silly, impulsive, seeing it all simple, thinking all in this world can be solved with smiles, a leap on the lap of Goddess Joy, and kissy giggly words spoken from the heart to Goddess Love. Then it is as if the adults world says no, comes to me, attacks and wants to tear all of my world apart.”

“Girl, You be You.
Maybe you are right, or maybe not, but this is your way.
Don’t worry, you will not die, at most you will exist through all you lived.”

“Wolf. That’s not of great comfort, thank You.”

“Girl, then cling in what you have, get all the wounds you will have to get, wear them, and go on. Dress Yourself of lotus flowers, be that silly girl, wear a katana if you need, or a fluffy tail.
There’s nothing wiser and stronger than being aware, being joy, being what we are.”

Wolf, it’s raining.
It is a good day to be out here with you.”

April 9, 2019April 9, 2019 by Kitty Michelle

Writing Souls

We are Writers, we are Creatives, we have our visions, we have our opinions, we have our screaming colours.

Everyone have them, but we do share them. We do share them, we do unroll them on the table, under your eyes, and they are scandalously naked. We do that about our doubts, our questions, our love, our fears and more. We do it in front of you, for You, and for us too, because we have this need, yes. We are daring, we put our face, in front of you and not only the face. We are extremely fragile in that, and strong as none.

Every time you find a story, a poem, one of our crazy flights, it is our “time” it is thousand of heart beats and breaths the thing you are collecting with your hands. It is our personal minutes, hours, or sometimes one single flash, time, it is a part of us and it is all yours to see.
How did we got there? For most of us it is a thing that has always existed in us, it starts in a shy way but then it becomes our way of living, and we do that all the time. We stop to ask ourselves about this and that and seeking more, and more, and more. We do it all the time, with no holding, gifting it because we need it, yes, but also because we think it is worth, because you may find it ugly, or beautiful and it needs seen. Yes, whether it is for us, or the others, we are helpless, we have no shame and we do it, and it is not always easy, but if possible this makes it even worthier doing it, to our soul.

We are like anyone else and no special at all, but we are also unlike anyone, as anyone is special in her own way. So we do put our face and heart in front of you. You can call us exhibitionists, if you wish. Maybe there is a form of this, or rather it is because we make this effort, this constant effort of digging into just anything and then we feel like showing it, we feel it can do good, for us and the others.

We are the writers, the creatives, the crazy, the one that can say the wrongest things, or sometimes the most touching, for one simple reason, because we say them, because we are helpless

For someone it is photography, for others it is through jokes, or it may be painting. It doesn’t matter, it is putting the face. Yes, we are this brave, a strange, weird kind of courage, but it needs being insane and brave, to do it, and never being “convenient” by expressing just that little that we know is accepted and wanted.

For us is writing, weaving words to describe, capture, and share. It is aligning them and making roads, castles, cities, universes.
You can read us or not, you can watch or not, you can pass by, you can not care. Our creations might have you feel the same vibrations, they may leave you needing explanations that you express, or rather not. Our scope is never to seek for those, but a part of us crave to know it reached you, because what we write about reached us, and we felt blessed.
We will not stop, but our souls crave to reach out, and rejoice when we feel it does, even in the smallest of the ways.

April 9, 2019April 9, 2019 by Kitty Michelle

I’m a Cherry Tree

Rather than a flower I am a tree.

Like a tree I needed care to grow, I needed protection, I needed to feel the hard times of the difficult seasons, I needed to have them all hit on me, like lessons, and I needed to resist them.

Like a tree I have deep roots. I am not a flower lasting one season, I am rather a tree. I fought to have my roots avoid the stones and look deeper for the nourishment.

Like a tree I need the water, I need it from the kisses of the rain, and I need it from the depth of the ground. Like a cherry tree I have my seasons, I do blossom, I do give my fruits. Not all seasons are good ones, not two seasons are alike. Some years I am more sugary, some years dryer, but I do strive to give the fruits, it is my mission. To have my flowers blossom and give the fruits, have them picked, have them create smiles, and feed.

Like a tree I have been slow in my growth, it has not been an instant one. It took time, maturation, strengthening, growth.
Like a tree I look for the sun, I move towards it and stretch to reach for every ray of light and turn them into oxygen to be breath. At night, under the the moonbeams I dream and guard silent over what surrounds me.
Like a tree I can last very long without water, I will keep standing up, I will keep giving the shade and witness all I am and was, never leaving my place, no, I am not like a one-season flower.

Like a cherry tree I long for springtime, I revere the winters, I dress in new colors in Autumn, I give shade in Summer. I am a tree, I am the flowers, the fruits, the roots, the dignity, the stubbornness my life is all wrapped in those colours.

So, If I ever would be asked what flower I am, I would rather say:
I once was a seedling, now I am a cherry tree.

Dragon kitty's Lair

The Story of Kitty Michelle Laurier – The DragonLady

Featured

Writing Souls

I’m a Cherry Tree

Month / April 2019

Awareness {4}

Getting Ready {3}

Rainy Thoughts {2}

Survival: The Change {1}

Writing Souls

I’m a Cherry Tree