She sat there looking straight in front of her, dressed in all the finesse she was capable of, as she always did, just even more, girlish as she was. It seemed as if she readied for a ritual, something deeply felt and requiring all her attention and care, and soul, and love and more. The rain was pouring and hitting on her, and she was apparently calm, immersed in a surreal calm.

‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍𝘎𝘪𝘳𝘭, 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨.

‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍Oooooh Wolf, my inner Wolf.Ooh Wolf, my precious inner who always defended me in my youth years, good morning to you. ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍Wolf, You have not been addressing me as Kitty anymore. You call me “girl” now. You thought I didn’t notice, but I do.

‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍𝘎𝘪𝘳𝘭, 𝘯𝘰. 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘦, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘸 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘦. 𝘐 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦. 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘦, 𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯’𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭?

‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍Wolf, please don’t hit on me. This is not the point. Should I call you human names? I could, yes I could. I won’t do it though. You will always be Wolf for me. Some things are forever. Remember that, remember how it is for the little me. You grew me, you should know how I am.

‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍𝘎𝘪𝘳𝘭, 𝘥𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘦-𝘰𝘯𝘦, 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘦? 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘭 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮 𝘵𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘥. 𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘢𝘸 … 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰?

‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍Wolf, you change subject, you know I don’t like it, I am kitty, not girl but i don’t like the sound of “girl” on your lips, it creates distance and you know I suffer distance from those I held precious. Anyway, shifting to your question, I have been waiting, this is what I have been doing. For a whole night I have been waiting, here, on the floor, not a minute of rest, whether there was someone around or not. My soul did not let me do anything else than this, so I got ready and did it, in order to be able to then live, in order to to what was to be done by me.I haven’t slept a single minute. I was stronger than I ever thought I was. Rain has not been the only thing flowing, pouring. I tried to do it pretty and perfect, and I held, oh, if I held. I knelt, listened, watched, sat, breathed, watched, listened, waited outside, got the rain, and I held, and I listened and I made myself visible.That, at least that, you have to recognise. My soul did not let me not rest, she let me do nothing else but sit outside the door and wait, or fight, if you prefer. In prettiness. Trust me, I was stronger than I ever thought I could be. To stand up, or to claim wrongs I did not do would have been easier. To rise a sword would have been easier. I sat and accepted. I am still sitting. I will be me as you taught me I should be.

‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍𝘎𝘪𝘳𝘭, 𝘐 𝘵𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘥𝘦. 𝘐𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘪𝘦𝘳𝘤𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘥? 𝘐𝘴 𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘢𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘳?

‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍Wolf. To not rise but rather lower the sword, with honour, that is fighting too. Once again, you won’t tempt me and trick me. You taught me that. That is what you taught me. I sat all night. I did not sold out a single breath of myself. There has been a lot of blood. There has been a lot of negative, a lot. There has been so much more going on in the kneeling night than 8 days of rage could hold.Look at me. I am still here. I sat with no sword.Pieces of me are broken, windows are broken but I am sitting, for how long more, I do not know, but here I am and will be.
I could have fought, but I brought no sword. I have my colours, I have my shamisen.I brought my shamisen I had songs ready. I sat with songs ready, and flowers, and rain to sweep it all.

‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ 𝘎𝘪𝘳𝘭 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦.

‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍Wolf, there are things that are first times. On top of it, some of them can be given one time only. The first kiss of Kitty, is her “first kiss”. There is no second first kiss it is a one timer. The moment a caterpillar turns into a butterfly comes one time only. Pride is not claiming back what has been given. Pride and beauty is not using the sword in the effort of giving value to something that has been gifted in joy, that would steal and stain it. Blood would only stain that magic. You taught me that. My pride is being happy of not having two lives, but one only. One only gift. Being human and not playing false Gods.

‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍𝘎𝘪𝘳𝘭 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘥

‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍Wolf, you are a good wolf, it is not tiredness what I feel.Wolf, I have one thing to ask. I read only half of us is made of flesh, the other half is made of dreams. What happens if the dreams get shattered, the ones that give us life?

‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍𝘎𝘪𝘳𝘭 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵. 𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥, 𝘨𝘰 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺.

‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍Wolf, will we exist only as halves? Do we change? Will we wander incomplete and half as what we can be and born to be?

‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍𝘎𝘪𝘳𝘭, 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘦.

‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍Wolf, you are a good wolf. I don’t wanna die.Maybe it was a life lesson, it is not for me to know.I can stay here though. It’s still raining, rain is life. It’s still raining, till it rains I can stay here.

𝘎𝘪𝘳𝘭, 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘣𝘦. 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘥 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘸𝘰𝘭𝘧 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘦n 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘳𝘯. 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘳𝘯 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨, 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘸𝘦𝘪𝘳𝘥.

‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍Wolf, I like the rain.
Rain is kisses, Let me stay out here.